A Timberwolf's Day
by Forestfire34720
Summary: Two Timberwolves go on patrol. It... doesn't go well.


Narrator

 _Snuffles_

 **Beta**

* * *

By Darom's lush leaves, it's too early!

Ugh, I guess I have to wake up now. Wish I could sleep in, but Alpha'll have my bark if I do anything wrong again. That thing with the rabbits…

*shudder*

I'm never going to get over that.

Oh, by the forests, that feels good. Nothing like a good stretch to start the day.

Now, where is he? Where is he...? Where...—oh, there he is!

Beta! Reporting for duty!

 **Ah, you're awake. I need you to patrol the north border.**

Pony border patrol…

*sigh*

Got it. Who do you want with me?

 **Take him.**

Oh, Snuffles? Really? Do I have to…?

…

 **Yes, and if you don't get going...**

Alright, alright, Beta. Chaotic messy pony patrol, coming right up!

 **Just do it.**

Yes, Beta, of course.

...this is my punishment for the rabbit incident, isn't it?

 **Yes**.

Come on! That wasn't my fault!

 **I don't care. Besides, she was the one to issue the punishment. Now go.**

...

By the forests, Beta is scary… and so is she, for that matter...

...

Snuffles! Up and at 'em, ya lazy rockbrain!

 _Urgh._

Snuffles! Don't make me drag you out by the tail.

 _Too early, leave me alone._

I'm going on a pony patrol, and you're invited!

 _Do I have a choice?_

No. No, you don't have a choice.

 _Ugh. *groan*_

Oh, stop your whining. It's not that bad.

 _It's a pony patrol. How can it possibly be good?_

Ok, those smelly ponies are pretty bad, but it's Beta's orders, so suck it up and get up!

 _Fine, fine. I'm coming._

I'll wait outside.

...

Finally! You take forever!

 _At least I take the time to clean my bark. You, on the other paw..._

Hey! My bark is perfectly clean! You're the one who looks like a rotting burnwolf, not me! When was the last time you watered yourself, anyways?

 _…during the last storm..._

What?! During the last storm? Ugh, Snuffles, that was _seven_ 'rises ago! Seriously? No wonder you're so dirty. You need to water yourself, Snuffles! Go do it no-

 **Hey!**

Ah!

 _Eep!_

 **What are you two still doing here? You have a patrol to get to!**

Yes Beta, of course, right away! Come on Snuffles, no time to lose!

 _But you just told me to to water myself!_

Shush!

Forget that for now! Unless you want Beta to claw off all your bark-in which case, feel free to disregard me-hurry up! I'd rather get through today entirely intact, thank you very much!

* * *

Wait!

Snuffles, I said wait!

 _What?_

You smell that?

 _*sniff* I smell something… It smells really bad, too._

Intruders! And…

*sigh*

 _What is it?_

Really?

 _Is it them?_

Yep. It's the smelly ponies.

 _Joy._

The scent leads this way…

 _My nose hurts from smelling this..._

Ugh, how ponies stand each other's scent, I'll never know. If I had to live with it 'rise to 'rise, I'd never stop trying to claw my nose off.

 _You'd also have a disregard for borders and territories. Will they ever learn? Haven't they figured out by now that this our land?_

You'd think so. They're even dumber than you, Snuffles.

 _Thanks… I think?_

At least in the Oakwolf Pack, we know not to intrude on others' territory. Really, it's only polite, ponies. And then we don't have to deal with their stink, or the Pine's teasing.

 _We do our best to teach them._

But they never learn, no matter how hard we try. Or, well, no matter how hard I and the rest of the Oaks try.

 _I don't think you're in any position to teach them anything, not after the whole rabbit thing._

Will you let that go?!

 _Nah._

* * *

Blech. The scent is getting stronger. Should almost be in-

There they are! Get them!

 _Oh! I see them!_

Get out ponies! This is Oak territory! You don't see us invading your funny, unnecessary grass-and-rock structures! Stay in your own terr-

Ow! Totally unnecessary, ponies!

 _Hahaha!_

Oh, you hush, Snuffles! I'd like to see you laugh when a rock hits you on the head. Then who'll be yipping like a Saplingpup?

 _*snort* I'm not dumb enough to be hit like that, or yip like a Saplingpup._

Oh yeah? Right, I'll believe that when Crags fly and chupacabras actually start caring! I-

Hey, where'd they go?

 _Don't see them. Think they left?_

By the forests, it seemed they actually did listen! It smells like they left! Let's hope they stay out.

 _That was all me, you know! These ponies would never take an order from the rabbit wolf! I scared them off all by myself!_

Yes, it was totally you. Yep, they fled in terror when they saw your parched bark.

 _I know! Aren't you jealous?_

...You really don't get how this sarcasm thing works, do you?

 _At least I didn't do anything with the rabbits._

Argh!

* * *

Snuffles!

 _Almost found it..._

Wait, Snuffles! Stop! Stop! Don't go th—!

 _AARGH!_

Aaah!

 _It burns, it burns!_

Ugh! By the forests, Snuffles, that smell!

 _*whine*_

Wait, Snuffles, no, stay away! Don't come near me! No-

Augh!

*exhale*

 _Sorry..._

What were you thinking?!

 _I didn't think it could affect me..._

…

 _…_

...you're literally made of wood. You thought it wouldn't trap that scent? Why were you even going after it in the first place?

 _It was prey._

Snuffles, it's the middle of the leaf-moons. Even in bare-moons, we don't go after them, and you know why! Especially now, I bet!

 _Beta sent us on patrol, you know._

Not to hunt! He sent us to remark the border!

 _Oh. Oops?_

I… just... ugh. Could you move away from me? Ten tails should do it.

...

...on second thought, could you maybe stay twenty tails away?

 _Better?_

Alright, that's... barely acceptable. At least it's not making me want to burn my nose off anymore.

 _I want my nose burned off._

 _*sniff*_

 _Ugh, I can still smell it._

Yeah, it's going to be hanging around for a while…

 _Oh, Beta's gonna kill me!_

Probably.

 _You don't seem very concerned._

If it means I don't have to smell that anymore, I'm good with that.

 _Hey!_

Fine, fine. I'll protect you from Beta.

 _Thank you._

Even though now we're probably both going to die-if not from him, then from our Packmates going crazy from this stink.

 _Never mind them, I might die from the stink itself…_

Oh, tuck it, Snuffles. You were the one to chase after it in the first place-like a saplingpup, might I add.

 _Grr…_

* * *

Beta! Got a problem here!

 **Yes? What is-by the forests! Did he really-?**

Yeah. He's the biggest rockbrain, I know.

 _Hey!_

Hush! Anyways... Beta, are you going to kill him? Because I said I'd protect him.

 **Normally, yes, but I think I'd prefer to stay as far away as possible… ugh, by Darom's grit and claws!**

Luck is on your side, Snuffles! You don't die today!

 _Lucky me._

 **Why did he even-?**

No idea.

 **Urgh. Snuffles, go down to the bog and stay there until the stink is gone.**

 _The bog? But-_

 **No buts! Consider this your punishment from me.**

From you?

 **Alpha will have his turn with him after he doesn't stink so badly.**

 _Wasn't this harsh with him with the rabbits…_

 **Would you like to our Packmates to think of a punishment too?**

 _No!_

 **Good. Now get going.**

 _Fine…_

…

Urgh, I can still smell it.

 **It'll go away eventually. In the meantime, though, he has to deal with it!**

Suitable punishment, I'd say, for being such a rockbrain.

 **That'll teach him not to chase skunks!**

* * *

 ** _It started with the idea of Snuffles being sprayed by a skunk. Expanded a bit from there._**


End file.
